1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:11,320 ... 2 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,600 Rustling 3 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:24,800 ... 4 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,840 Soft music 5 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:05,040 ... 6 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:06,720 -Go ahead. 7 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:15,040 ... 8 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:21,640 - I can ? - Yes. 9 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:29,960 ... 10 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:47,320 -Good. 11 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,720 See you next week for diagnosis. 12 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,480 Dark music 13 00:01:54,680 --> 00:02:02,680 ... 14 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,520 Thrilling music 15 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:17,720 ... 16 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,440 Passage of a helicopter 17 00:03:54,640 --> 00:04:00,120 ... 18 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:19,200 Jumping music 19 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,760 ... 20 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,280 -"His dark, faded eyes, 21 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,120 "reflections of intelligence, rest in me. 22 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:35,080 "But this mouth almost off-putting. 23 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,200 Intriguing music 24 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,800 ... 25 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,200 "Every time I see him, 26 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,160 "his face changed again." 27 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:52,480 ... 28 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,520 -NO TO OPPRESSION! 29 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:05,400 ♪ -No to oppression! - NO TO OPPRESSION! 30 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:06,600 ♪ -We must fight! 31 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,440 - STAY STANDING! - Do you want a sign? 32 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,880 -STAY STANDING! ♪ -We must fight! 33 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,120 -STAY STANDING! ♪ -We must fight! 34 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,520 -STAY STANDING! ♪ -What is the emergency? 35 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:23,040 -BE SOLIDARITY! ♪ -What is the emergency? 36 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:24,960 -BE SOLIDARITY! 37 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,240 ♪ -I would like to bring the writer and presenter 38 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,240 from the show “La Ligne rouge”, 39 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,920 produced by the station socialist VARA, 40 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,440 Klaas Smelik. 41 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,040 Cheers and applause 42 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:43,120 ... 43 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,360 ♪ -Violence, my comrades, 44 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,800 any form of violence, you know it as well as I do, 45 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,280 is often linked 46 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,920 to social injustice. 47 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,000 Violence that we are currently experiencing 48 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,880 is largely the consequence of neoliberalism! 49 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,040 We unplug the microphone. Of profound injustice. 50 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,480 Boos 51 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:08,720 -Reconnect the microphone! 52 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,400 Protests 53 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:15,160 ... 54 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,880 -Look! Look! This is fascism! 55 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,760 Say no to fascism! 56 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,760 No to fascism! 57 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,160 We will always fight against racism, 58 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,400 xenophobia and oppression of the most vulnerable! 59 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:37,360 Solidarity! - WELCOME TO IMMIGRANTS! 60 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:43,560 - Solidarity! - WELCOME TO IMMIGRANTS! 61 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:48,840 -They try to scare us, to stop us from telling the truth! 62 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,080 But look around you! 63 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,160 -Good morning. 64 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,080 Settle down. 65 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:19,480 I will note those who are outside as present during the course. 66 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,920 Can you tell us which author have you translated? 67 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:30,800 -Uh... 68 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,760 Klaas Smelik. 69 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,080 -Hold ! 70 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,360 What a coincidence. 71 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:40,920 (in Russian) 72 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,440 Applause 73 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,960 ... 74 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,520 It's a surprising choice, Klaas Smelik. 75 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,160 Where did the idea come from? 76 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,080 -Oh, uh... Yes. In fact, I know him. 77 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:50,160 We met in Deventer, the city where I was born. 78 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,280 Yes. And we stayed in touch. 79 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,920 -So, is he okay? I mean... 80 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,160 With what happens, is he holding up? 81 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:00,840 -Yes, there is... 82 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,520 difficult times. - I suspect. 83 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,120 At the start of the occupation, there was a wave of suicides. 84 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,400 He also made an attempt. 85 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,800 I managed to stop him. 86 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:16,880 Yes. 87 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,720 I believe that literature owes me a debt of gratitude. 88 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:25,960 (-Okay.) 89 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,640 I wasn't aware of all that. 90 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:30,960 -No. 91 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,320 -It's not him who wrote what you translated. 92 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,560 He wouldn't talk like that of a man. 93 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,360 Of a woman, yes, without a doubt, but not as good, 94 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:48,320 that the true author of the text that you have read. 95 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,360 -Yes, well... 96 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:53,360 To be honest, 97 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,880 I started by translating a text by Carry Van Bruggen 98 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,240 but I was having too much trouble, so... 99 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,000 So I thought and I said to myself 100 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:05,480 that the best was 101 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,440 to write my own text. 102 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,720 I wrote it first and then I translated it into Russian. 103 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,280 That's it, for... 104 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,200 As for duty, we can consider 105 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,200 that it is a translation. 106 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:22,320 -A passage from a literary work, that's what I asked. 107 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,520 Are you a literary author? - Not yet, no. 108 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:31,000 I need... it may seem pretentious, but I feel it, 109 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,600 it is necessary that I improve my technique... 110 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,760 This is what I want to do. 111 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,520 I want to write. 112 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,440 Uh, anyway, 113 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,400 please excuse me. It came to me at the last moment. 114 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:53,040 If I render a real translation before the end of the semester, 115 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,480 would you agree? - Yes. 116 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:57,720 Let's do that, yes. 117 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,600 If it still has of importance. 118 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:02,840 -I think so. 119 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,920 More than ever, it is essential. 120 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,520 For me, a phrase from Pushkin is as important 121 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,080 that racist laws 122 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,680 that are imposed on us. 123 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,880 Don't you believe? 124 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,120 -We can see things from this angle. 125 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,320 But hey. 126 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,480 -Anyway, sorry. Excuse me 127 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,760 for this waste of time with my literary pretensions. 128 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,440 -No, it doesn't matter. No, really. 129 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,160 If there is one thing which I will not miss, 130 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,560 It’s plenty of time. 131 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,360 -Is everything okay? 132 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:42,680 -Yes. 133 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,000 -You are worried. 134 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,320 -I... 135 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:48,680 I was fired. 136 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:54,440 -What ? 137 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:57,720 For what ? 138 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,400 -As always in these cases, 139 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,560 for breach of the regime 140 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,160 or I don't know what. 141 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,520 Being a Marxist enough already. 142 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,600 - It's not possible. - You have to believe that yes. 143 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,080 But it's okay, I thought retire, then... 144 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:16,280 -Oh yes? 145 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,240 -No, but... 146 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:21,880 -It's sad. 147 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:27,840 What if... 148 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,640 Maybe if the students signed a petition... 149 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,560 -I doubt these people will take worth reading petitions. 150 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,440 I think there is no much to do. 151 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:43,760 We will all end 152 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,520 by being touched. 153 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,920 It made me happy to know you, miss. 154 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,920 Melancholic music 155 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,240 -Sorry. 156 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,360 Please forgive me. 157 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,840 I feel stupid and really egocentric 158 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,680 now that I know that you are... 159 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,840 -Well, yes. That's how it is. 160 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,320 Everyone adapts to the situation, with his means. 161 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,240 Bye. 162 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,240 Dark music 163 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:27,560 ... 164 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,480 Helicopter rotor 165 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,080 ... 166 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:40,400 ... 167 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,000 - Hello. - Hello, Hans. 168 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,280 -You haven't paid yet. 169 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,080 - What are you saying? - You haven't paid your rent. 170 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:00,720 -Oh, yes. 171 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:05,000 Sorry. I talked about it with your father and I pay next month. 172 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,960 -I don't know about it. 173 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,000 - Maybe you want... - No, forget it. 174 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,600 I'll check with him. We are already taking a risk by hosting you, 175 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,520 if it's for nothing... 176 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,440 -Etty. 177 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,120 How are you ? - Han? Are you back yet? 178 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,600 I had to help Hans revise. 179 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,880 What's wrong? - Yes, it's nothing. 180 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,400 -Then tell. What is it? 181 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,200 -Excuse me, I need to be a little alone. 182 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,200 I'll come see you later. 183 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:50,760 There is a knock at the door. 184 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:54,720 ... 185 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:04,600 -Etty, 186 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,280 my heart... 187 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:12,240 -I'll join you later. I don't want to get out of bed. 188 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,400 (-Come.) 189 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,800 I'll make you something to eat. Come on, come on. 190 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,400 -I'll come later. 191 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,920 I'm going to sleep until tomorrow morning. 192 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,000 (And then things will get better.) 193 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,400 -Will you tell me what happened? 194 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,320 -You know someone 195 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,520 Who is more egocentric than me? 196 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,040 - What are you telling me? - You, 197 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,000 you have lots of friends and colleagues. 198 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,560 You know a lot of people, so... 199 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:52,880 (-Etty.) 200 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:54,880 (Etty.) 201 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:03,920 -Just now, 202 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,440 after his lesson, 203 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,960 Van Donker asked me a question on my duty. 204 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,880 I gave a monologue ten minutes 205 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:18,280 where I told him that it was necessary that I become a writer. 206 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,480 I'm here, getting him drunk, 207 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,680 with my big speech, I see him nodding his head, 208 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,120 and suddenly he says that he is fired. 209 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,320 -Licensed? 210 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:31,920 But why? 211 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,880 -Political persecution. We blame him 212 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,280 to be a Marxist. Everything he had was taken from him. 213 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,320 This department at the university, 214 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,760 that's all he has. 215 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,680 And his wife, perhaps. They don't have any children. 216 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,400 How can I be such an idiot? 217 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,080 -This Van Donker is the same one who... 218 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,040 who gives private lessons, rue de Vossius? 219 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,440 -Yes, Friday. 220 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:15,520 -Then come see him. 221 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,360 Go to his house, with a bouquet and... 222 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,120 tell him how affected you are. 223 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,120 (-No.) - Why? 224 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,240 If you don't, It will torment you. 225 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,680 And next time that you will see it, 226 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,880 you will realize that he doesn't even think about it anymore. 227 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:53,440 ... 228 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,720 - I never noticed anything. - Excuse me, 229 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,240 you know what's going on? - It's Van Donker's. 230 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,080 A misfortune has happened. 231 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,240 Heavy music 232 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:23,440 ... 233 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:48,800 -Mrs. Van Donker? 234 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,720 I am Etty, Friday classes. 235 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:54,920 -Yes ? 236 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:57,480 -What happened? 237 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,120 -He committed suicide with his revolver. 238 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,240 -But why... 239 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,360 When did he do that? 240 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,000 -Right after class, 241 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,200 on the way back. - It's not possible, 242 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,720 I just spoke to him. 243 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,640 -You are the last person to have spoken with him. 244 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:23,840 -Please ? 245 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,200 Can you accompany us? 246 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:30,480 -I am... 247 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,440 All my condolences. 248 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,920 -That's nice. Thank you. 249 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:36,960 Bye. 250 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,480 Dark music 251 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:48,680 ... 252 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,160 Scary music 253 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:12,360 ... 254 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,320 Dark music 255 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:41,520 ... 256 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:10,120 -"It would be simpler, sometimes, to choose not to live anymore. 257 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,240 “Nothing is holding me back anymore. 258 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,960 “I already know everything. 259 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,480 "So why force yourself to experience it for real? 260 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,600 "I just have to let myself slide, without noise, in a muddy canal, 261 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,840 "to fall asleep there gently, 262 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,160 “abandon me.” 263 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:37,560 Fast-paced music 264 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:45,760 ... 265 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,800 - Miss Hillesum. - Mr. Spier. 266 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:22,360 -You are welcome. 267 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,240 Come. 268 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,600 Please wait for me nearby. I'm yours right away. 269 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,200 No, not here. Let's go to the office. 270 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:29,960 -Sorry. 271 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,520 Excuse me. - It's not serious. 272 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,200 I'm not an avid follower of psychoanalysis. 273 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,560 Or I'm not anymore, 274 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,720 to be precise. There is only the couch 275 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,640 that I did not abandon in Berlin. 276 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,440 -For what ? 277 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,240 -I find him handsome. 278 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,320 -I meant for psychoanalysis. 279 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,080 You no longer want to practice it? 280 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:57,080 -My hearing. It was only getting worse. 281 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,080 One day, I no longer have any including my patients 282 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,000 lying on it, then... 283 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,400 At one point, I asked myself: 284 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,200 how to help someone without seeing his face? 285 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,360 Where is the love of one's neighbor? 286 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,120 How did you feel? 287 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:27,640 -To be honest, 288 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,800 I admit that since Van Donker... 289 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:35,640 Since his death... 290 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,200 I can't get anything done anymore. 291 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:43,960 Did you know about him? - Yes. 292 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,080 Did you know him? 293 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:49,760 -I was his student. 294 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,240 In Slavistic. 295 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,200 -Oh, I... 296 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:57,280 I'm sorry. 297 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:07,000 -I had just seen him, just a few minutes before... 298 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,560 And then I learned that I should be 299 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,120 the last person to have spoken to him. 300 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,600 - How do you know? - His wife told me. 301 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,760 She didn't reproach me. 302 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:31,880 I didn't need her. 303 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,080 -I'm really sorry. 304 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,520 I imagine how you felt. 305 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,760 You need to tell yourself this: 306 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,120 no one could have stopped him. 307 00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,400 Person. 308 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,080 You know that, right? 309 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,360 -Yes. It's what everyone says, but... 310 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:13,680 At the time, it terrified me, 311 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,800 I rode my bike through the streets like a sick person. 312 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,760 I was unable to calm down. 313 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,160 -Do you know what caused this panic? 314 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,000 -The very first thought 315 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:38,480 which came to me, 316 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:42,600 that's because I was... 317 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:44,960 jealous. 318 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,600 I had this image of the ball. 319 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,480 I saw it go through his head, 320 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,280 and enter mine. 321 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:01,720 And I was relieved. 322 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:15,720 Do you understand that? 323 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,040 - Yes. - Oh yes ? 324 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,480 What do you understand? 325 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:28,520 -I understand that such a thought can be scary. 326 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:30,840 The idea that you too, 327 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,360 you might get there. 328 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,200 -I spent the night on a bridge thinking about it. 329 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,920 I didn't have the courage. 330 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:58,280 -It's not a question of courage. You don't want to die. 331 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:01,640 -Well... 332 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:08,680 The number of times I say to myself: "If a bomb fell from a plane 333 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,120 "or if a tree fell on me, 334 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,120 “that would be nice.” 335 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:21,440 -Continue. 336 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:24,600 -What ? 337 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,240 -In what other way Do you fantasize about your death? 338 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,960 -I demonstrate of great creativity. 339 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,360 Suddenly, I'm asleep on a bench in winter, 340 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,720 the snow covers me and I freeze to death. 341 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,360 Or I'm on a bike, my brakes are failing 342 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,720 and I land at the bottom of a canal. 343 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,880 -There, you don't decide anything of what is happening to you. 344 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,200 In your fantasies, you are always passive. 345 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:09,400 It's an external force that takes you out of your despair. 346 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:12,720 -Yes. 347 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,560 Doing it for real is... 348 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,400 It's beyond my strength. 349 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:27,640 -I'm not sure. 350 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,800 I believe that you don't want it. 351 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:34,480 You want to live. 352 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:42,680 -How do you know that? 353 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:47,840 My hand tells you? 354 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:51,640 -Among others, yes. 355 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:57,080 -Alright. 356 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,720 You will be able to explain to me. I came for that. 357 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:03,680 No ? 358 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,520 - Yes. - I don't hide it, it fascinates me. 359 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,960 Even if I seem skeptical. 360 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,520 I followed your conference the other day at university. 361 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:23,000 And Lizzie kept telling me that I should see you, then... 362 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,040 I said to myself: 363 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,600 “Come on. Go ahead. What are you risking? 364 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,160 “Put skepticism and prejudices aside." 365 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:35,040 I have a Cartesian mind. I'm the first to believe 366 00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,840 to scientific methods. So... 367 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:40,080 I don't have to apologize for that. 368 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,680 I came to the conclusion 369 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,080 that it is plausible 370 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,600 that the experiences, traumas have 371 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,320 a body imprint, them too. 372 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,400 Maybe this kind of thing is also reflected... 373 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:57,480 in our palms. 374 00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,960 Without any connection with clairvoyance. 375 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,400 It has nothing to do with it... 376 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:09,640 clairvoyance? 377 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,800 -No. Nothing to do with that. 378 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:14,120 -So it's okay. 379 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,800 You give me an example of one of your cases? 380 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:20,400 -My pleasure. 381 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,520 I can give you the one that I have in front of me. 382 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,800 This need you have to let your reason speak 383 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,080 before your emotions. 384 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,160 I can ? 385 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:40,480 -Yes. 386 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:50,760 -The Apollo line. 387 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,160 We'll see about the names. 388 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:55,400 Yours is very strong. 389 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,400 Here in the middle you have the head line, curved, 390 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,760 and there, the heart line, pronounced, 391 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:04,040 with all its ramifications, signs of intense emotions. 392 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:06,920 The Mount of Saturn. 393 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,560 That's the logic. Yours is wide. 394 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:10,960 Very marked. 395 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,400 And it is prominent. 396 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,320 There are signs of intercourse conflict between your parents. 397 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:22,160 The mother is 398 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,560 a passionate, quite aggressive one. 399 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,200 And depressed. 400 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:32,080 And here we have the father. Rational, even inhibited, perhaps. 401 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:36,000 Your preference for the father, as well as logic 402 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,320 are clearly evident here. 403 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,720 And that's understandable. 404 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,640 Since all these irrepressible emotions 405 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,880 must be absolutely curbed to maintain control. 406 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:52,280 Avoid going crazy. 407 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,640 Only, these emotions, 408 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,440 they don't disappear. 409 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:03,400 They are still there. 410 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,120 Just repressed. 411 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,160 They are waiting. 412 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,240 They are waiting to turn against you. 413 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,560 And this, with violence. 414 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,840 That's what depression is, after all. 415 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,600 It's an attack which comes from within. 416 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:24,560 (-Yes.) 417 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:36,600 Can I... 418 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:43,600 It's totally inappropriate, but could I close my eyes? 419 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,840 On your couch for a few minutes. 420 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,720 I hardly sleep anymore. 421 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,840 -I understand. Come, get up. 422 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:02,760 -For what? 423 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,920 -I would like to try something. 424 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:08,960 It might help you. 425 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,000 Come. And take off your shoes. 426 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,640 Stand here, in front of me. 427 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,480 Put your hands on my shoulders. 428 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:52,560 Let's go. 429 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:01,520 GOOD. 430 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,200 Push with all your might. 431 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:09,760 Stronger. 432 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:16,640 GOOD. 433 00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:18,880 Soft music 434 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:27,080 ... 435 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:45,720 -We're taking a break. 436 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:50,040 Or I will... 437 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:52,080 -Again. 438 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:57,600 Come on, come on. 439 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:04,840 Lean forward. 440 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:11,240 Upper body leaning forward to lower the center of gravity. 441 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,840 To have a stable center of gravity. 442 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:17,520 It's good. 443 00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:21,120 Stretch out your arms towards me. 444 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:27,480 Intriguing music 445 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:35,800 ... 446 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:40,400 Little cry 447 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,480 Get up. We're going back. 448 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,320 Without eroticism, this time. 449 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:50,040 - How so ? - Try 450 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:51,840 to neutralize it. 451 00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:56,440 - What are you talking about? - No eroticism or fantasy. 452 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,480 - I don't have at all... - And no waiting. 453 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,480 Don't try to think what might come out of it. 454 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,040 Just the movement and breathing. 455 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:21,200 ... 456 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,680 Little grunts of effort 457 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,560 - Let me go! - You can surrender. 458 00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:46,440 ... 459 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,440 -Okay. I surrender. 460 00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:07,320 -How do you feel? 461 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:12,520 -I don't know. 462 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:20,880 Calmer, perhaps? 463 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,520 -It feels good to let go. 464 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:35,320 No ? 465 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:38,960 Total acceptance. 466 00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:45,000 And acceptance is one thing which can be learned. 467 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,720 That we must learn. 468 00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:54,920 You will see it, here, 469 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:57,440 in our exercises. 470 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:03,600 -Shall we do it again? 471 00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,680 - It'll be fine for today. - One last time. 472 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:11,960 I want to understand the movement. 473 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:19,480 -All right. 474 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:28,640 But this time... 475 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:29,960 -Sorry. 476 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:31,440 Oh, but what... 477 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,360 What an idiot. 478 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:35,920 Excuse me. - It's nothing. 479 00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:37,360 -I'm sorry. 480 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:40,120 -It's nothing. 481 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,560 - Maybe we need to disinfect? - It'll be OK. 482 00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:58,720 -Really, I regret it. 483 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,840 I don't know what came over me, you weren't ready. 484 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:05,440 -No, it's good. 485 00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:07,800 Very good, even. 486 00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,320 - Are these the risks of the job? - No. 487 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,640 I hadn't yet never experienced this. 488 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:19,400 -I can ? 489 00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:27,360 Lizzie. 490 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:28,840 -I thought you were finished. 491 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,800 -We've gone a little overboard. We're almost done. 492 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:34,920 -Excuse me, I wanted... 493 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,400 I leave you the documents and I go there. 494 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:38,920 It'll be OK ? 495 00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:40,800 - Yes. - Next session 496 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,760 in five minutes. - I know. THANKS. 497 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:51,360 We will do 498 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,480 update, next week. 499 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:55,560 -All right. GOOD. THANKS. 500 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:03,400 Lizzie, wait. 501 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:05,480 -What ? 502 00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,400 - It's not what you think. - Good. 503 00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,080 Go ahead, then, explain. 504 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,200 -We were fighting and then I don't know. I did something stupid. 505 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,960 Without meaning to. I don't know how. 506 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:23,600 Would you have wanted me to leave it? 507 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:25,240 -But, no, I know. 508 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,280 There's no problem, don't worry. 509 00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:31,920 -You're talking... I saw your look. 510 00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,280 -Yeah. I said to myself: 511 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,720 "She will be alone with a guy without thinking about a sex date." 512 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:42,120 - I just explained to you. - Yes I know. I heard. 513 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:44,360 I say that, I say nothing. 514 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,080 -Someone is wallowing on you, put your hands down... 515 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,160 If you want to keep it sanitized, don't touch me. 516 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,400 -On the contrary, that's the idea! 517 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:56,680 -OK... 518 00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:01,560 It's not that easy. - All right. 519 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:02,920 -He too, he... 520 00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:04,240 -What? 521 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:06,640 -There was still eroticization. 522 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,760 He came to lie on me and I felt it. 523 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,040 -It's okay, stop. 524 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,360 That's why that I didn't want to send you there. 525 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,040 -Pardon ? You almost made me go. 526 00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:22,520 -I wanted to help you. 527 00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:25,840 I was sure that you... Well, anyway. 528 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,080 This work is everything for me. 529 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,120 In addition to children. 530 00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:33,480 It's true, 531 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,880 you saw it clearly, it changed my life. 532 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:38,760 It saved my marriage. - Of course... 533 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:42,160 -I thought that it could help you too. 534 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,800 I said to myself: “Come on, I’ll take the risk.” 535 00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:49,520 - What were you risking? - It's a place 536 00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,360 important to me. 537 00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:56,080 I wouldn't want it to ruin everything. - You have nothing to fear. 538 00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:59,320 I'm already sleeping with Han. 539 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,960 I would bother with another guy Who is old enough to be my father? 540 00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:05,560 Have faith in me. 541 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,120 All right ? 542 00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:13,920 -It's mine. 543 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,200 -I can take the same one. 544 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,360 Dark music 545 00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:33,560 ... 546 00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,240 - What? - No, nothing. 547 00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:48,440 ... 548 00:44:58,360 --> 00:44:59,400 -Etty! 549 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,320 - Hello, Han. - Hi. 550 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:06,200 How are you ? 551 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:10,600 Is it okay or not? 552 00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:12,760 - Yes, it's okay. - Sure? 553 00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:14,160 Where are you from? 554 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:15,840 -I was with Lizzie. 555 00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:19,840 -How was it with Spier? 556 00:45:22,240 --> 00:45:23,960 -How are you. It was good, yes. 557 00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:26,000 Interesting. 558 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,280 -All right. So what? 559 00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:30,120 -So what? 560 00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:33,560 -He didn't give you a diagnosis? 561 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,000 -No. Not yet. 562 00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,520 - What did he tell you? - Are you having a fixation? 563 00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:43,000 That won't help you understand me. 564 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,920 Have no illusions. - For what ? You don't know. 565 00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:48,640 -Okay, listen... 566 00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:52,880 It's nice of you to worry, but don't exaggerate. 567 00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:56,400 Heavy breathing 568 00:45:56,600 --> 00:46:04,600 ... 569 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,080 Are you sure you still love me? 570 00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,200 -I said it again this morning. 571 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:35,560 Isn't that enough for you? 572 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:43,120 -No. 573 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:47,520 It's never enough for me. 574 00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:07,240 I'm going to go out for a walk. Get some fresh air. 575 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,480 -It's almost curfew. 576 00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:17,000 -"Dear Mr. Spier..." 577 00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:18,720 Intriguing music 578 00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:26,920 ... 579 00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:30,960 “Dear Mr. S... 580 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:38,080 "I apologize once again, and I don't plan to come back. 581 00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:42,600 ... 582 00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:46,240 "When I returned home, after leaving you, 583 00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,080 "and my blood, thanks to your exercises, 584 00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:51,080 "circulated vigorously, 585 00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:55,440 "there was such a conflict within me 586 00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:58,080 "between thoughts and contradictory feelings, 587 00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,640 "that I felt caught in a vice. 588 00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:07,080 "I felt erotic urges towards you 589 00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,280 "and at the same time, a strong repulsion. 590 00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:18,480 ... 591 00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:32,880 "A fragment of chaos scrutinized me from the depths of my soul, 592 00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,400 "and I said to myself: 'Ah, yes, 593 00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:42,520 "I must be crazy, like the rest of the family.' 594 00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:50,840 ... 595 00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:52,560 "In this long letter, 596 00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,240 "everything is said in a pathetic and pompous tone. 597 00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:01,400 “It would make me want to stroke my head and say: 598 00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:06,480 "'Come, Etty, my dear little one, everything will work out in the end. 599 00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:10,920 "'Stop taking yourself so seriously, 600 00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,200 "you, your thoughts and your feelings.' 601 00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:15,160 Tension music 602 00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:23,360 ... 603 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,240 "The truth is... 604 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:36,840 "suddenly I'm overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness. 605 00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,760 "The intuition that we must face life alone, 606 00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:48,840 "without being able to count on no help. 607 00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,280 "Anyway, dear Mr. S, 608 00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:12,000 "I think spare you this letter. 609 00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:17,160 “Thank you for all the good that you have already done to me. 610 00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:19,680 “Etty Hillesum.” 611 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:36,040 Dark music 612 00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:44,360 ... 613 00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:13,320 SME subtitling: VECTRACOM